Parenting: independence, free play and shared parental leave

Newcomer parents commonly mention:

• Children walking to school on their own. The German Road Safety Association (Deutsche Verkehrswacht) recommends that children walk to school and, depending on local conditions, do so alone fairly soon, in many cases from first grade after intensive route practice with their parents. It openly criticises "parent taxis" (Elterntaxis) as hampering children's development and endangering other pupils (2023).
• Free play and independence in day care. Berlin's education programme for day-care centres (Kitas) gives free play a fixed place in the daily routine, expects children to practise resolving everyday disputes themselves, and aims for them to become steadily more independent.
• A settling-in period (Eingewöhnung). When a child starts at a Kita, a parent usually stays at first; separations are then tried gradually, at the child's pace, with one key carer as the main contact (Berlin education programme).
• Children's noise is accepted by law. Noise from children at day-care centres, playgrounds and similar facilities is, as a rule, not considered a harmful environmental effect under federal law, and noise limit values may not be applied when assessing it.
• Both parents taking parental leave. The parental allowance (Elterngeld) is designed to involve both parents: one parent can receive basic parental allowance for at most 12 months, and two additional partner months (Partnermonate) are available, for example when both parents share the leave; each parent must claim at least two months (Familienportal).

Several legal and institutional foundations shape everyday parenting:

• Non-violent upbringing. Children have a legal right to an upbringing free from violence, physical punishment, psychological harm and other degrading measures (§ 1631 BGB). Smacking is therefore not an accepted form of discipline in Germany.
• Day-care curricula. In Berlin, working with the Berlin education programme (Berliner Bildungsprogramm) is binding for Kitas. It describes children as learning with all their senses, through play, everyday participation and projects.
• Road-safety culture. The Road Safety Association suggests practising the route several times at the times your child will actually walk it, discussing every crossing and hazard, then letting the child lead before stepping back. Many schools provide school-route maps (Schulwegpläne) showing safer routes. Well over 700,000 children start school in Germany each year (Verkehrswacht, 2023).

• East and west. Day care for very young children is far more common in the east. On 1 March 2026, 53.5% of children under three in the eastern federal states (including Berlin) were in day care, compared with 34.1% in the western states (Federal Statistical Office, published September 2026).
• City and countryside. Whether a child can walk to school alone depends on the route; the Road Safety Association explicitly ties its advice to local conditions.
• Each child's pace. Even the Road Safety Association frames independence as gradual: parents step back only once the child manages the route confidently. Kitas likewise adapt the settling-in period to each child.