Invitations and visits: gifts, timing and table manners

Newcomers commonly mention:

• A small gift is expected. deutschland.de (2021) notes that it is customary to bring something small when visiting: food, flowers or a bottle of wine depending on the occasion; home-baked biscuits suit a games evening, a salad suits a barbecue. If flowers are wrapped in paper, the etiquette guide suggests unwrapping them just before you go in.
• The time on the invitation is meant. The same etiquette guide advises not turning up late when meeting people and calling if you really cannot make it on time.
• Offers are taken at face value. A US-born writer living in Germany describes how a host will rarely ask a second or third time whether you want more cake; a polite "no" is usually accepted as a real no.
• Toasts and starting together. People clink glasses with Prost or Zum Wohl; at a dinner, you do not start eating or drinking until everyone has their food or drink, and you follow the host's lead.
• Handshakes everywhere. Many people shake hands with everyone when arriving and leaving; close friends may kiss on both cheeks.
• Birthdays are hosted by the person celebrating. Goethe-Institut teaching material notes that it is common for the birthday person to invite family and friends for coffee and cake (Kaffee und Kuchen), on the day itself or the following Saturday. At work, the birthday person often brings cake or snacks for colleagues (StepStone, 2025).

Inviting people home tends to come after a friendship has started rather than at the very beginning. deutschland.de notes that people who are already acquainted or friends often meet at home, while cafés, bars and joint activities are the classic places to meet before that.

Several conventions make hosting predictable: a clear start time, a small gift, and food and drink offered once rather than pressed on guests. deutschland.de's etiquette guide stresses that not drinking alcohol is completely accepted and that a guest who declines a drink should not be pressured or have one ordered for them. At the table, crossing your knife and fork on the plate means you are still eating; placing them side by side on the right signals that you have finished.

• Occasion: a barbecue or casual get-together often means bringing something to share, while a dinner invitation usually means the host cooks and you bring a small gift. If unsure, ask what you can bring.
• Workplace birthdays differ by team. StepStone notes that in some teams colleagues also bring treats or give small gifts, and that not everyone wants their birthday celebrated at all.
• Greetings: cheek kisses are for close friends; deutschland.de notes they are inappropriate in a business setting, where a handshake is the norm.
• Households differ in small habits, such as whether guests take off their shoes. Follow the host's lead or ask.