Bonjour first: everyday politeness in shops and services

Newcomers commonly report that a missing greeting changes the tone of an exchange more than they expected:

• Bonjour before anything else. The Local, drawing on the authors of The Bonjour Effect, Julie Barlow and Jean-Benoît Nadeau, says many visitors who find people in France rude have simply skipped the opening bonjour. The authors recall being told off by a bus driver for boarding without greeting him.
• Everywhere, not only in shops. Barlow's advice is to say it always, including at the bakery, in the lift and in waiting rooms. An etiquette guide in The Connexion recommends bonjour monsieur or bonjour madame when entering a shop, speaking to a bus driver or meeting a neighbour, and au revoir or bonne journée when leaving.
• "Excuse me" is not a substitute. According to The Local, opening with excusez-moi or going straight to your question does not replace the greeting.
• Thank-yous count. A guide from the Cours de civilisation française de la Sorbonne notes that saying thank you after a service or a gift is essential, and that not doing so can be frowned upon.

A greeting before a transaction

In many settings the greeting acknowledges the person before the business starts. Barlow describes bonjour as a signal that you want to engage with someone, and as a way of saying that you are entering their space. Seen this way, launching straight into a request can feel abrupt to the other person, even if your words are polite.

Formal by default

The Sorbonne guide describes people as often formal with someone they meet for the first time or in professional settings, using titles and surnames. In shops, offices and services, that usually means vous and monsieur or madame. This formality is not distance; it is the normal register for people you do not know.

Evening and leaving

The same guide mentions bonsoir as the greeting in the evening. Leaving with a short merci, au revoir or bonne journée closes the exchange in the same way the greeting opened it.

• Setting. In a large supermarket or a crowded station you will not greet everyone, but at a counter, in a small shop, at a reception desk or when you board a bus with a driver, a greeting is expected.
• Relationship. With friends and people your age, greetings are quicker and more informal; with officials, older people and in professional contexts, the formal version is the norm for longer.
• Individuals and moods. A brisk reply does not always mean you did something wrong. Staff in busy places can be short with everyone; avoid drawing conclusions from one exchange.